So the life-changing event I had mentioned in my last post turned out to be okay. Meaning once again, D and I are attending the same college and living on the same campus. I was originally ecstatic about my return. But since the big move-in day yesterday, I no longer feel the same.
The reason I had left the school was poor grades. But by returning home for six months, I had ran away from the rude people, the stress of that particular school, and the strain of my relationship with D.
In the past six months, I had gone through major ups and downs with my family, but once again, I have found warmth and comfort with the people I love and trust most in my lifetime.
I came back to this school because I firmly believe that if I can make it through the next 2 years, I will be able to step into a lifestyle I can only dream about otherwise. I will be able to provide comfort not only to myself, but to my loved ones as well. But this is proving to be every bit as difficult as I remembered it, if not more.
In the past 2 days, I faced 90% of the problems I saw back when I was last enrolled here. What in the world will I do for my next 2 years here?
D was the only one I could run to when I faced problems here in the past, but today he isn't here. Not to mention in 4 months, he will never be here again.
I left home with the sense that this will make me a better person. No matter how hard this turns out to be, if I make it through, it will be amazing. But do I really have the strength to pull through this time around?
I have so many thoughts running through my head, so many words to say...but who do I tell?
Sitting on this bed, in this particularly empty room, on this particularly cold and lonely night...I'm speechless.
I just want to break down. But who will pick up the pieces?
Sorry about the dose of extra-depression. I hope the happy me will be back soon.
Do as I say, not as I do.
9 months ago