For the first time in such a long time that I can't even recall...I think I'm a little happy.
I wrote D an email telling him how I really feel, about the past, the present, and the future. I'm still too afraid to send it because of a fear of rejection, but just sitting down and spilling all my feelings puts a smile on my face.
I feel lighter...almost relieved.
I don't know if I'll get a positive response when I actually get up the nerve to send the email off. And as insanely scared of him saying no as I can be, I can't help but think that this time will be different. Because I'm different.
I've been able to share more of my fears the past few days, and I think I'm starting to accept the thought that things might really be okay eventually.
Instead of feeling miserable about the days that are passing, I'm a tad bit looking forward to the next day now.
I don't feel like I have to fake a smile anymore, because some things really do put a smile on my face.
I've gotten to spend some quality time with my family, getting lots of work off my shoulders. And tomorrow is my girls'-day-in. Kind of like girls'-night-out, just much more mellow.
I hope I'm not being too optimistic about everything, and I'm not underestimating the difficulty of my challenges. But it can't hurt to hope...right?
Or does this sound too good to be true?
I picked a new, lighter layout to reflect my mood. You like?
Do as I say, not as I do.
9 months ago